The week started off okay. Was in some course for 2 days. So the week passed by pretty quick. But after that the anxiety continued on. I was pondering and I realised this inability to sleep and waking up at odd hours has gone quite far. Today after I woke up, i just felt this ache all over. So Yesterday evening, i decided to go see my friend who is a dr. Prior to this I have already contacted him and asked where to seek help esp for people like me who is depressed over everything.
We spoke for awhile. I mentioned that I have lack of confidence to do anything. It just became worse as the time went by. At least in O , i could still take it until I was actually transferred to consulting and that really crushed everything. He mentioned that lack of confidence is the result of being depressed coz you feel you're not good enough for anything. Well to cut a long story short, he suggested that i join some activity may it be church or anything so that I have some support. He doesn't believe that i need to see a real shrink but feels that i need to mix with people more to get support and maybe eventually find out what the world has to offer me. Which is quite true.
I told him about how I was thinking about quitting and doing some charity work or church work but I am afraid to do it. Thinking about not having an income is really scary. Is that step too drastic? Or is it me not wanting to take that step being afraid that I might like it too much? Could that be my calling but I decided to shun it away.
I have no answers at the moment but I would need to find the answers soon. I am going to be a year older next year and whats going to happen then? Is this going to follow me thru out my life?
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